Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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