that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
