If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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