In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You ruined the universe
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
