My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
