Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
