I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Im part way to drunk.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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