Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
