wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize