We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
