I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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