didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
ok first of all what the fuck
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
