I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
