I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
