Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think my moral compass just broke
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
