good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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