You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
