Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
