you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
