"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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