He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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