I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
