Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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