You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
