So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
