what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
