And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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