It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
