god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
