And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
