Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it's like iHOP with fire
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
