guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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