How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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