i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
