thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize