chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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