i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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