So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize