I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
