Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he just fucked me for my cheese..
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
