So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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