Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Randomize