I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
one might say we're banned from that church
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
