You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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