Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im holly from the hills drunk
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
