He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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