remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
