is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
