Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
