I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
