hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize