im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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