Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
