oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
be right there i have to get my cape
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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