I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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