So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
