if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
