the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
