ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
