I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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