we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
