Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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