I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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