I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
