CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's official drugs can't kill me
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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