You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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