I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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