I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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