If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
