She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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